3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
