i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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