if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
