i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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