I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
