i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
