Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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