Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
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