Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
