I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I love you.
Bad choice
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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