I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
