That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
