How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I miss vodka workout Fridays
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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