im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
