What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
