Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
