The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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