I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
