i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
