My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
