Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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