yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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