is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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