Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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