Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
barbara walters just said penis...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
