I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Randomize
