whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
