party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
