Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Randomize
