Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
