Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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