Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Randomize
