i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
