fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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