I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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