I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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