apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
