Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
