you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
