so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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