Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
