If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We got so high we made milksteak
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Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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