Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
