May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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