Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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