Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
