Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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