So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
