Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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