I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
