I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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