you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
