I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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