dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
