mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
