my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
