I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
