Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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