I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
