matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
