Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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