I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
