Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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