I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Alive.
So much puke
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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