How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
