You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
