And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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