so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
