people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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