So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
