do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Randomize
