I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
