my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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