so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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