Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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