Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
