dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
