ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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