Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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