When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
