after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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