are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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