So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
