I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize